Yesterday was a struggle. I had not one but two kids that didn’t want to listen. I tried to communicate with my son about why his actions were unacceptable. I tried to tell him that he is smart, that he is a good boy, that I know he’s sorry, but that his actions were telling me something different than his words. I tried to tell my adventurous daughter that climbing up on bubby’s chair wasn’t good because she could fall and hurt herself. But if I’m honest, I think I reacted more than I led by my actions.
I lost my temper when I found myself repeating instructions over and over to my son. I cried in defeat when it felt like he didn’t care what I had to say and didn’t want to listen. I was completely done and needing time to myself long before nap time came around. I was frustrated when after getting baby girl to sleep, I found my son playing in his room when he was supposed to be sleeping already. I still wanted him to know I love him, though, so I chose to snuggle with him until he finally fell asleep.
It was during these few moments that I thought to myself, ‘Dacia, you let your anger control you again. Do you remember this morning?’ I asked myself, ‘When you felt the day was going to be a joyful, easy day? Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy. You let Satan come in and steal that joy.’
You see, my day didn’t start off bad at all. I’d had an actual good night’s rest with only one interruption to nurse, my children were playing well together, I was laughing with them, and the sun was shining beautifully. I was content. Joyful. I don’t know when the day went completely downhill, I do know it started with small things. That’s how he works, though, isn’t it? It’s always small things first then they get bigger and bigger until you’re in over your head.
I’d like to say my day got better, and it did for a moment. A few hours later and we were back to the whole repeating and not listening. At one point, my daughter bit me on the shoulder as I was trying to keep her from falling off the couch. It could’ve been an accident but it still hurt and didn’t help my mood. So instead of going another round, I put her in her walker and vented my frustration out on my kitchen. And when my husband came home, I made myself a bowl of spaghetti and took a bath.
The thing is, I’ve been praying for the seed of anger that I’ve let grow in me to die. I hate it. Yesterday I failed to come against it. Instead I let myself act out of selfishness and become overwhelmed. I failed at showing my children how to overcome and work in God’s grace. I made excuses to myself and let myself become defeated. Again. But that was yesterday.
Today the sun is shining beautifully, for now. My children have been laughing and playing, though Little Miss is now in her walker for trying to climb again, and I’m once again content and joyful. I’m not happy about my actions yesterday. I absolutely regret them, but I can’t change them. I can’t dwell on them. Instead I need to do better. I need to look at what I did wrong, take a deep breath, and ask God to help me overcome the struggles of the day. I need to face today as God does, with new mercy for myself and for my children. I need to remember that my joy and contentment aren’t found in my feelings but in the Foundation I’ve based my life on. Today I need to tell Satan to back off of my joy and to once again come against that root of anger. I need to fight the good fight and show my children what it means to overcome in God’s way not my way. I need to overcome.
What’s an every day struggle you need to overcome? Like me, have you let a seed that shouldn’t be there to grow and fester? Have you felt like your shortcomings are growing? Take a deep breath and remember that those are not the things your life is built on. It’s built on a stronger Foundation and the Carpenter is always available 24/7/365.
Therefore let us [with privilege] approach the throne of grace [that is the throne of God’s gracious favor] with confidence and without fear, so that we may receive mercy [for our failures] and find [His amazing] grace to help in time of need [an appropriate blessing, coming just at the right moment]. Heb. 4:16