When Grief Comes to Call.

Everyone knows that life is often too short. It seems like there’s never enough time to spend with the people we love before they’re gone from our lives.

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On Sunday I learned that a close friend of my dad and step-mom, and the father of two of my best friends, had passed away suddenly. I was completely shocked and my heart broke for my friends and family. I couldn’t think of the words to say to them though I tried. I know that words and phrases like, “I’m sorry,” don’t really help those who are grieving, no matter how genuine they are. Beyond that, I felt like anything I could say would seem more like I was trying to make it about me and my experiences, and that’s the last thing I want to do to them.

The truth is, I know what it’s like when grief sucker-punches you. When everything goes quiet for a moment before the world around you becomes too loud. I know the confusion that happens while your mind tries to wrap itself around the news. I know how every memory you have with that person intensifies and how your heart breaks as you realize over and over that you’ll never experience those memories and inside jokes again.

Heck, the second time I was sucker-punched like that, I couldn’t even stand up when I heard the news. I just collapsed. Later, I stood at the funeral begging God to raise my best friend’s brother back from the dead. To me, that would be the only reason God would let him die: to show His power by raising him to life again.

This morning I learned that my great-uncle passed away last week. I couldn’t believe it. That was more of a personal blow for me. I spent quite a bit of time with him, my great-aunt, and cousins as I grew up. I can still picture him sitting at the table in their breakfast nook, watching tv, and smiling as he listened to the plans my Great-Aunt had for us that day. There’s a part of me that wants to buy a plane ticket just so I can be there for my dad and the rest of the family at the funeral.

No matter how true it may be, “I’m praying for you,” doesn’t seem like enough and a bit too wrote. I am praying that God would comfort them. My heart is breaking with them and for them. I also want to yell, “No one else die, please!” I can’t take another death. Yet I know that we are not guaranteed tomorrow.

The truth is, grief isn’t pretty. It’s hard and it seems unending. Does grief really ever end? I don’t think we ever truly move on from the loss. We don’t get over it. I think that’s something we tell ourselves in the beginning to help deal with the overwhelming feelings. Yeah, we go through a process and one day we may “accept” the loss, but we never get over it. We feel it again and again, like a phantom limb.

So yeah, grief has come calling this week. It’s hard, even this far removed. I know that things will never be the same and I can’t even begin to imagine that right now. I woke up ready to offer more comfort to others, as I felt I finally had the right words, but it seems today I need the comfort just as much.

I’m sorry I can’t wish you a happy Wednesday. I do hope that your Wednesday, your week, isn’t filled with grief like mine is, though. If it is, well then know that however far apart we are, I am grieving with you.

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